Debut March 17, 2011
Last Appearance February 8, 2013

Porch is Pinch's intern. Like Pinch, he is voiced by Bill Schulz. He was introduced in March, 2011, and could be seen from time to time during Pinch's spot in the opening of the show; he was quickly phased out. The original Porch puppet came from a Bill Schulz bobblehead doll.

Porch made a comeback in June, 2012, complete with a new puppet. Unlike the first Porch, the second puppet has a manipulatable mouth. Portrayed as an insipid, bumbling fool, Porch was featured on every episode until August 8. He was brought back for two more episodes, August 9 & 10, before both Pinch and Porch were retired. Pinch was brought back on December 3 at the behest of Red Eye fans that Greg Gutfeld spoke with on his book tour to promote The Joy of Hate. Porch returned on December 21. Both characters were retired once again on February 8, 2013.